His tiny hand slid into mine. His whole body toppled to one side as we strolled across the road. He stopped short of the footpath,looking up at me and then down at the path. It was a high kerb, but not too high for him, he was just scared,’ come on buddy, you can do it’ I softly encouraged. Gripping tightly to my now sweaty hand, he raised his tiny leg, first the right one, it met the path, then he dragged his left one up and over.’ Good boy’ I rubbed his hand.’ Good job’ I smiled as he continued squeezing my hand.
We walked in silence for maybe a minute.’ Stop’ he roared and shook his hand free of mine. He needed a break. ‘Stop’ he stood firmly on the busy path.’Ok, honey, ok’ I bent down,I could see he was almost at his limit.’You want something nice?’ I asked, feeling around in my handbag. No response. My heart began to thud.’ It’s ok baby, I’ve got something here’ my hand still searching. I could feel the stares.’Noooooooo.Stop.Noooo’ he bellowed as he struck me hard on my head. I could hear the tuts.’Nooooo’ he roared as the tears flowed.’ It’s ok baby, it’s ok’ my eyes began to sting. How can I help him.Bang. He kicked my calf, knocking me onto my arse. Quickly I got up. Bending down once more, I felt my cheeks flush as I watched those staring at me in judgement. ’ Come on baby, come with mommy, I mind you’ I slowly extended my hand.’ Ok’ he grabbed my hand, smiling he whispered’ Ethan loves mommy’.’ Mommy loves Ethan ’ I replied through watering eyes.
‘Hello Ethan ’ Susan smiled.’ No not you’ Ethan waved his hands in an x like motion. ‘Hey Susan’ I smiled. Thank god she knew him, I didn’t need to explain,it gets exhausting explaining Ethan to people.’ Rough walk’ she stated. I nodded. ’ Please say his room is ready’ I smiled.’ Of course, room 12’ .Thank you I mouthed to her as I gently guided Ethan down the familiar busy corridor. ‘Good boy, good boy. We watch spongebob, two minutes’ I repeated over and over until we got to his room.
‘Something nice?’,he titled his head, thick with brown hair. His big round blue eyes staring at me. ‘Two minutes. Ethan sit’ I showed him the chair as I lowered the bed. ‘Stay there’ I demanded as I unpacked his DVD player and DVDs.
”Mine” he roared as a child walked by carrying a teddy. ’ No, silly, here’s yours’ I handed him his teddy knowing full well this would not do. The child stood in the door way, his mother smiling,’ that’s Tommy’s teddy, but you can look at it’ she smiled as Ethan came towards them.
Shit, just move on woman, I felt like roaring.’ It’s ok,’ I smiled.’ He doesn’t understand, he thinks he can have it. Sorry’ I gave the standard reply as Ethan grabbed the teddy from a now crying child,shoving him in the process, landing the child on his bum as his mom stared open mouthed at me. Fuck.’Ethan , Ethie,’ I gently rubbed his back.” Can mommy have it?’ I pleaded, trying to guide the teddy out of his hand.’NOOOOO, mine’ he roared.’ I punch you’, he shook with temper.
‘I’m so sorry, can I give it to you in five minutes, when he’s calmer, what room are you in and I’ll pop in with it’ I felt my face burn. I now had the usual – an audience. Great. ‘Ah, am..’ I cut her off.’ Look, he doesn’t understand, if you go now, I have more chance of getting it from him’ I glanced at her weeping child. Oh kid,I gently patted his head,’I will bring it to you in five minutes buddy, ok?’ I smiled. He nodded wiping his tears. I looked back at his mother.’ What room are ye in?’. ‘15’ she narrowed her eyes, ’ you should teach him right from wrong’ in the same breath she looked at my son,’ bold boy’ she tutted.
The anger rose from the pit of my stomach, just as I opened my mouth to respond, I heard Ethan’s voice, ’ fuck off now, bye bye’ he turned on his heels, teddy in hand and shimmed onto his bed.
Smiling, I said, as calmly as I could,’ as I said he doesn’t understand,your child has a broken arm, I’m sorry for that. My child, will never get the chance to learn manners or all that bull, you see, he…’ I swallowed,hard,’ he is terminal ill, and life’s too short, so as he said , F off and I’ll drop the teddy back as soon as I can’ I shut the door.
It felt good. I laughed, then Ethan laughed.’Well done son’ I giggled as I kissed his soft rosy cheeks sneakily moving the disregarded teddy under my coat.