Your firsts are my lasts…

Your chubby hands curl around my leg when a stranger says ‘hello’ – you are weary of strangers and know mammy will always protect you ; it’s true sweet little boy mammy always will.

You declare your love for me a thousand times a day, some days I am too busy to appreciate it, to really appreciate your little voice saying “I love you mammy” – I promise my little boy

I will appreciate that more.

You beg to sit on my lap “just for a cuddle” you’ll say mid climb. There’s always room for you, my last little boy.

You ask me to bring you to bed and to kiss all your teddies goodnight- “oh mammy, don’t forget me!” mammy could never and will never forget you,my last little boy.

You kiss and hug me so tightly sometimes it hurts my neck. I gently remind you “kind hands buddy” – “of course ! I’m so sorry mammy, forgive me” your big brown eyes are inches from mine. I’d forgive you anything my last little boy.

You remind me you’re growing up , which often makes my heart beat faster. I know more than most, how lucky I am to have you here and that you will indeed grow up– I just wish you’d slow down.
“When am I going to school?” you ask as you see me buying school supplies for your older brothers . “Next year” I try to sound as excited as you are . “Next year yippee” you’ll jump up and down on the spot, while I wish I could freeze time, just for a short while.

You know you’re almost 3 and cannot wait for your party while I am still wondering where those three years went. How could you be almost three? You dress yourself sometimes asking for help, other times telling me “I’ll do it myself!” – I’m proud of you my little boy but sometimes I secretly hope you’ll need my help with that zip.
You show me your scraps and cry for me to ‘kiss them better’ – I know it won’t be long until my kisses are just kisses. I remind myself to savour every little thing about you my little boy, from the moment I was told you were joining our family; I knew you would be my last.

I kiss you a lot and give you hugs as often as you’ll allow “Oh mammy that’s ‘nuff ” you’ll laugh with a beautiful twinkle in your eye.

We’ve one more year together before I lend you to a pre-school, then a school– my baby, my last baby – I will treasure this year more than you could possibly know.

My mother always said the hardest part is when they start school, for they are never really yours after that — I never  understood that until I became the mammy.
You’re my last.
You’re my last little bundle.
You’re my last first steps.
You’re my last first words.

You’re my last first everything and sometimes that breaks my heart a little.

This was originally published on FamilyfriendlyHQ