Yep Mother’s Day is almost here!
Let me be as honest as I can be regarding what us mothers really want on this ‘our’ day.
We don’t want to mother.
Yep, that’s the truth- ask any mother.
We want to be left in bed.
We don’t want to hear any theme tune to any cartoon.
We want hot coffee; not that lukewarm half ass crap that we drink every other day…we want hot coffee on this ‘our’ day.
We want to use the toilet- alone.
We want to shower without having to scream “I’m in the goddamn shower”,“I said no”,” I am in the shower!”
We would love love a dinner handed to us, all chopped up and ready to go with our favourite wine…mmm drink to go with it.
We want to be able to talk on the phone without sounding like we have multiple personalities; “Oh yeah that sounds great ..stop..I SAID STOP..yeah go on…oh wow good for..If you touch that one more time you’ll go on the step…go on I’m listening, where were ya?…Put it down I said …”
We want to be able to swear; without spelling it out or covering our mouths as soon as we let ‘it’ slip…sometimes you need a good f**kin’ swearing session to stress your feelings.
We want to let daddy wonder what that brown stain is?
We want to give ‘the wheels on the bus’, ‘Twinkle twinkle’ and all those ‘wonderful’ songs a miss.
We want to watch ‘Netflix’ without a chorus of “Oooh what’s new so mam on that…here and I show ya …let’s watch it together”
We want to eat the chocolate (which our husbands hurriedly brought in Tesco) alone. We don’t want to see sets of tiny eyes watching and waiting (or in our house) grabbing, fighting and shoving for their share.
We want to relax; no breaking up fights, no wrestling, no farting competitions, or burping ones for that matter and sure as hell no ‘pile-up’ on mammy.
We want to stroll around the shops without tantrums, sh!t fits, meltdowns and “Can I’s?”
We want to go in the car without repeating “keep your hands to yourself now, good boys”, “ahh ahh, no hitting”
We want to let daddy wonder where that smell is coming from?
We want all this, I’m pretty sure…but here’s the kicker: (like most mothers) if I were left alone, I’d miss all the chaos, all the mess and all my boys…what I’d be happy with is a sleep in on Sunday morning hint hint darling hubby, Ethan, J and my little dictator D!
Happy Mother’s Day to you all, may the lie in be long, the coffee be warm, the wine cold and the kids entertained- by daddy!
This was originally published on FamilyfriendlyHQ