The things we do to amuse ourselves… the things I do to amuse myself.
I’m guilty of setting up people (mainly my family and close friends) for a great laugh..at their expense.
Don’t feel bad for them, they’ve gotten me back each and every time.
My personal best, well, let me share it with you.
Mucker had called to our house for his usual soakage when he pulled out a lottery ticket. “Don’t remember buying this” he placed it on the table, while hoovering up the fry D had cooked. “We can check it online when you’re done” I suggested. “Yeah, yeah, could be lucky” he finished his tea. “Cheers D, that was beautiful man” he let out a ‘manly’ burp, excused himself and took his ticket into the sitting room. “Just gonna check me numbers guys”
I saw an opportunity. “Be back in a minute hun, I’m just going to have a peep at Mucker” I smiled. D turned to me, “What are you up to?”, “Shh,I’m gonna get that shite back for his phone call” I winked, as D laughed, “Go on,I’ll be in once I’’m done with this” he nodded at his plate.
Mucker had recently rang me and had me convinced he was a social worker who was coming to my house as there had been a complaint made against me. I nearly fainted, my legs went weak, I grabbed a seat as I had tried to clam my rapidly beating heart…Mucker deserved what I was about to do, don’t you all agree?!
I walked calmly into the sitting room, where Mucker was still waiting for the lotto page to load. In one hand he had his ticket, in the other he was banging the mouse. “Stupid slow yoke” he hit it again. “Come on…come on”… “Give it a second Mucker will ya” I patted his back. I bent over him, “there’s a knack to it” ~ lie number one. “Give to me” I gently moved the mouse, purely for show. “Here it is, it’s coming in now, you move there and I’ll call the numbers out” I nudged him to push over, giving me full view of the screen, while he could only see partial, “It works better if I just wiggle the screen a little more to me” ~ lie number two. “Huh, that’s odd, no?” he questioned me.”Yep, it is” I agreed.
“Ready?” I asked, trying my best not to laugh too early. “Ya go on” his eyes fixed on his ticket. “12 – 08- 06-…”~ lie number three. “Jesus Mac, I’ve them, go on go on”. “21-14…” ~lie number four. He jumped up, “go on go on Mac, for fucksake” D and the boys had now come into the room. It was hard guys,so much harder than any of you can imagine, it was so hard not to laugh,”and the bonus number -10” ~the final and most fatal lie.
“OH HOLY FUCKING SHIT. I’VE WON, I’VE FUCKING WON” He was now jumping up and down, kissing his ticket, screaming like a girl, to be honest, very highly pitched! I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I actually fell off my chair, clutching my sides, I saw the realisation smack him in his face, like a stone wall. “Revenge Mucker” D was laughing.
“Huh, ahhhhhh ya fucking bitch. That was horrible of ya.” I was still laughing. “Ohh, ohh” I tried to catch my breath. “How the hell did ya know my numbers?” he was smiling now too.”That was brilliantly played, ya bitch”.” Look” I pointed for him to sit at the computer, while I sat in the same spot Mucker had sat, I even took the ticket to show him how easy it was to read from where I was sitting.
He laughed. “Jayous, I suppose I deserved that. Well done you, I might have to try this out on Puds or Queen”
“Not mam or dad though” I said seriously. “Fuck I know that, dad would actually have a heart attack, I’m only 23 and I thought I was having one…well played” he gave me a hug. “Why thank you good Sir” I laughed.
Did that teach Mucker anything about pulling pranks on me, you might wonder. Did it heck. He got me back over and over and over…