Who the F**k is Lucy?!

Toddlers can scare the absolute sh!t out of us adults not just with their lack of regard for their safety but there’s another way these little dictators can keep us up all night long. “Mam…mam..mmaaaammie” he shirked. I rolled my eyes…this was fast becoming part of his bedtime routine. “Mammmmieee come quick!” he roared. I dragged my tired body up off the couch. Slowly I climbed the stairs.


“Dee Dee…” I began my (what was now becoming routine) speech “It is bedtime so none of this” “Mammie Lucy is going to take me from you” he sat up wiping the tears from his eyes “I NEED YOU” “WHAT?!” I swallowed…hard. “She is mammy… she said she is… look!” he was calmer now (as he had my full attention). He began to laugh as I could hear my heartbeat in my ears…slowly he pointed behind me. I was expecting some sort of horror music to start playing as I dared to follow his tiny finger “Where?” I could hear the relief in my voice as all I could see was his ‘Minion’ picture, hanging where it always hangs..alone by itself..nothing else there..not even a shadow…
“Amm she’s gone and off the telly” he giggled as he pulled the covers over himself, popped the dummy(still in talks with the dictator regarding the use of said dummy) back into his mouth and sighed “I love you mammy, night” “Lo..love you too..night” I doubled checked his room before turning off his light.
I revisited him 7 times during the night , just to ‘make sure’ Lucy didn’t or hadn’t shown up (ridiculous, I know!) I didn’t sleep well that night.
The following morning after breakfast I began to help the dictator get dressed…my job is to hold his clothes and wonder how long it will take him today, “I can do it mammy, I am nearly tree!” This can take up to an hour, seriously. “So mammy Lucy is back and she’s grey and black” he declared as he struggled with his jumper.
“What?” I glanced around the sitting room… “Who is Lucy Dee Dee?”

He ran to the window, his jumper wrapped around his neck, “Look, she’s there mammy!” He waved at the rain hitting off our window.

I fixed his jumper while staring hard out of the dirty window, I did wonder; if my windows were cleaner could I have spotted Lucy too? Quickly I dismissed this, as the angle of that rain was doing a grand job on the windows , if Lucy were there I would have been able to spot her.
“Lucy wants to bring me away mammie…on a holiday maybe!” he danced with excitement. “Well, tell her no!” “No Lucy!” he yelled at the window. He nodded then turned to me “Can Lucy come in mammy?”
“No. I don’t know who Lucy is, so that makes her a stranger Dee Dee” I was still trying to see Lucy…he moved closer to me and whispered “She’s at the door mammy”

I am pretty sure my heart stopped. “Wh..what door Dee?” I stammered. “That one” he pointed at our sitting room door.
“No. Tell her to go away” I tried to remind myself of J and his many imaginary friends when he was younger…this was all in his imagination, get a grip woman! “She will go now mammy, but she will be back for me and to take me away from you” “I won’t let her” I almost yelled. “Ahh, I know mammy, but I won’t go or I’ll go for a holiday I think” and with that he ran off to play with his cars, while I was left rocking myself by the window trying to figure out who the fu*k is Lucy.

I’ll not sleep tonight either….

Thanks Dee Dee and Lucy for that!

This was originally published on  FamilyfriendlyHQ




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