The lies we tell.
Seriously, how many times a day do you lie to your child? Just think about that for a moment.
Today I noticed, I shamefully lie an awful lot,especially to my 9 year old.J.
“Can I have a sweet mom?”
“You’ve already had one J.”
“Yeah, but can I please have another?” he titles his head, eyes twinkling.
“You know J, if you eat too many sweets you will get worms”I say, dead pan.
“Really!”his mouth wide open.
“Really.” I look him right in the eye.
“Ohhh…do you have worms mom?”
“No, no. Why would you ask me that?” I’m now convinced, I’ve the remnants of my ‘mars’ bar on my face, which I wipe quickly at.
“‘Cos, ‘cos, I know you keep sweets in your night gown” he smiles.
“You shouldn’t go through other peoples stuff J. It’s rude and…and Santa is watching” I scold.
“You told me Santa doesn’t watch until after Hallowe’en mam?” he has a slight smirk on his face. Time to bring out the big guns. I place a hand on his shoulder.
“J no one, I mean, no one likes a smarty pants. When Santa isn’t watching, God is. In Fact God is always watching you.” I nod at the holy medal stuck on Ethan’s medication fridge.
“Ohhh…But mom…God doesn’t care if I’m a smarty pants or not. God loves me ‘cos I’m me.”
“True J, very true. But God talks to Santa, ya know. Santa wants all kids to do as they are told and not be cheeky. Being a smarty pants, is kinda…” I scrunch my nose up, purely for effect, “Cheeky”
“Ahhh, I see. So I guess you, dad and Ethan aren’t getting much this year then eh?” he places his hands on his hips.
“There ya go again! Being a smarty pants! J, love, Santa doesn’t come to adults, remember?” I tap his head.
“Oh yeah, I forgot. But what about Ethan? I mean, he does way worser stuff than me!”
“Worse, J, no such word as worser” I correct him while thinking of an answer that will basically get him to piss off.
“Well, you see, Ethan is special…”
“Yeah, yeah, we are all special mom” he interrupts my speech. “You say that quite a lot” he adds nodding like a bobble head.
“Because it is true! While you both are special, there are things that Ethan can get away with and…”
“Yeah, I know, I know. Ethan can’t help hitting out and all that stuff. So, can I get a raise in pocket money, for doing my chores?”
“Yeah exactly. And no, no you can’t get a raise, you get pocket money for doing your chores. Did you empty your lunchbox yet?” I ask, knowing he hasn’t even opened his school bag, let alone cleaned a lunchbox.
“You bet I have” he has the cheek to wink at me.
“J. I can see that big fat dirty lie, sitting right there” I tap his nose.
“Can ya?” his eyes widen.
“Sure can and if you keep lying, you will suddenly stop growing”
I surprised myself with that one too.
“Really! Really MOM.REALLY?” I had him right where I wanted him.
“Absolutely. Sure why do you think aunty Mary is so small, eh?”
“I’m doing it now mom” he ran off, in the opposite direction to where he’d dumped his school bag.
“Other way love”I called after him.
Oh the lies we tell….