Taking the piss….

I am a firm believer in, if you can’t laugh at yourself, you have absolutely no right laughing at anyone else.
In Ireland, we take the piss out of our friends and family a lot, it is really a form of affection,odd, I know. I believe if you can’t take it you really shouldn’t dish it out. I’ve met many family and friends who will rip the piss out of you,but can’t take it when you take the piss out of them— which really annoys me! ( taking the piss out of you is the same as mocking you ,in a light hearted way)
So, I decided I would share two embarrassing stories about me! They’ve made me and my friends laugh for years now,my friends,have ripped the piss for years over these two stories in particular…and I deserved it!

I was fourteen years old. Myself and Tara( my longest friend,and one of the best!)were hanging out with a group of boys. I felt grown up having a group of boys and girls hanging around with me. We were all walking to Salthill, (basically the seaside)just to hang out, play football, swim, mess and of course flirt, well, try to anyway!
I had my eye on Keith,a funny guy who seemed to be much wiser than his young years. We were friends, we laughed and joked together, sometimes we even held hands…isn’t that cute?! I was in full on ‘showing off ’ mode as we all strolled towards the sea. I was a lively kid, looking back now, I’m pretty sure I had ADHD or middle(ish) child syndrome! I was laughing and pushing Keith, like you do at fourteen, when I saw a beautiful dog. Not just any ‘ol dog now, it was an old english sheepdog,a breed I had never seen before or since! I got excited and forgot to be cool, I have a stammer, when I get nervous or excited it is evident, so without thinking I roared to Tara,( as Tara and I share a love for dogs). “Oh,my god, Tara look” I pointed at the dog, my mind went blank, I had forgotten the breed, so I roared “it’s the du..dur..durex dog”. Everyone stopped, all 10 of them and began laughing. “The what dog Ger?” Keith asked as his grin got wider.”Dure…Ahh fuck, I meant Dulux” my face burned as I laughed uncomfortably. ( the dog was used for years in an advertisement for Dulux, a paint company,not a condom company!)
19, oh my god, I’m old, 19 years have passed, Tara has never forgotten that story or the next one..
We were going to the movies, same group, same Summer. We had decided on a ‘15’s’ rated movie, we were between 13-14 years old, so getting into a 15’s was going to be difficult, but we were confident. We had paired up and decided to go up to the ticket booth in twos, less suspicious. We had our dates of birth all rehearsed, our stories as to why we had no I.D, all ready for when the cashier would ask— something which served me well,in my latter teenage years!
I, of course went up with Keith. I was nervous, was this a date, was it just a group date or what? Would he finally kiss me? All these thoughts raced through my mind as I found myself facing the cashier. “Good evening,how can I help?”. I’ve no real explanation as to why I said it, but it just fell out of my mouth as easily as ‘hello’ does.”Yeah, could I have two tickets for Wanking Ned” I smiled as Keith bent over laughing. The cashier smiled, bite her lip and asked me to repeat myself. I looked at Keith,then at her.” Two tickets for Wanking Ned”, I didn’t get the joke. She couldn’t help herself, she began laughing as Keith tried through tears,to fill me in on the joke. He couldn’t. He pointed to the poster of ‘Waking Ned’. “Ohhh, shit” I covered my mouth and began laughing as the blood rushed to my face. (In Ireland,wanking is slang for masturbation!)
We got in to see ‘Waking Ned’. I think the cashier felt she owed me, I had clearly brightened up her day!

I get a great laugh telling ‘newer’ friends these stories, but I think Tara enjoys it much more, so I tend to sit back and take the slagging, even if it almost a 20 year old story!

I hope I made at least one of you giggle at my expense….feel free to take the piss, my best friend has no problem in doing so!!!!

Author

geraldinesmyth@gmail.com

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