Sometimes…just sometimes…

“No point stressing on the things you can’t change.Move on and grow stronger.”

I read these kind of quotes every so often on social media sites, on little funky signs,on bumper stickers etc you get the idea.

Sometimes, just sometimes they annoy me beyond belief.

Sometimes, just sometimes, on my shitty bad days, I want to ask the person preaching this, how exactly do I ‘move on’ from my sons diagnosis~ really I want to know.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I want to yell at them for such a stupid thing to ‘share’ and ‘like’ on sites such as Facebook. “Grow stronger”~ honestly? If I grew any feckin’ ‘stronger’ I’d become a feckin’ machine!

Sometimes, just sometimes, I’d like ‘not to stress’~ I can’t remember the last time I fell asleep when I actually went to bed. I get roughly 4-7 hours of sleep a night. Not because I’ve a good for nothing husband, not because my beautiful children keep me awake, but because I stress on the things I cannot change.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I would love to roar ~ SHUT UP WITH YOUR STUPID QUOTES!

Other times, other times ~ I realise they are just quotes, talking about silly shit that no one takes literally (except me on a bad day, as I did mention above!) and I let it go.

But, but sometimes , sometimes I feel the bitterness claw its way up through me, like a poison, it seeps into every pore of my body, it pumps through my veins and…and it’s ugly. It is really really ugly. It creeps into my thoughts trying to take root there. I don’t allow it….but sometimes, sometimes I’m weak, sometimes, sometimes it spills from my mouth onto ears that do not deserve it. On ears that are worried that their child may need glasses, need hearing aids, a wheelchair, an SNA….

Other times, other times, I shove it right back down to its dark cave, where it hibernates, and I sit and talk and listen to those who are having a hard time with their struggles…they tell me how ‘great’ I am for all I do to help.

The truth is, we all have struggles. We all have that bitterness about one thing or other, we all fight our own demons.

Just sometimes, sometimes I have shitty bad days~ I am human. And that HAS got to be okay…tomorrow I will try harder.

Author

geraldinesmyth@gmail.com

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