I first became a mother on the 18th of May 2002…that’s almost 14 years ago. In those 14 years I have said some strange stuff with a very serious face; here are just a few…
Plates are NOT flying saucers.
Windows are NOT for licking.
It is the doorbell…there’s no need for excitement. (Unless it’s a delivery of mammys latest online shopping)
No you don’t pick YOUR nose… or anyone else’s.
The banister is NOT a slide, I don’t care if it’s faster!
The toilet bowl is for peeing and pooping in NOT for ‘seeing what can flush away’.
The clothes line would NOT make a good tightrope.
The trampoline , no matter how small, will NOT be put onto your bed. EVER.
Farting is a natural occurrence; there is no need for a big announcement or ‘a pull my finger’ gag every single time you need to pass gas.
Firelighters are NOT for eating; I don’t care if they smell good.
Food is for eating NOT for building forts or castles…or…
The ‘2 second rule’ does NOT apply when you’re outside…I don’t care how ‘yummy’ it looks.
Calpol is NOT ‘something nice’… it is medicine.
Nappies are NOT masks…take it off your face.I am tired of telling you, they cost money…it was funny the first 100 times…come on take it off… now!
Nobody stole your nose, I promise.
Your ‘Micky’ is YOUR private part, you DON’T show it to anyone …good boy…put it back in your nappy.
Your Micky is still there …hands OUT…
NOT everything brown is chocolate..leave it…I said LEAVE IT!
Your brother is NOT for jumping on.
No you CAN’T have that snail as a pet and call him ‘Gary’…
So there you have it- tales about my three boys all rolled into a 20 sentence post! Boys aren’t they just something eh?!
This was originally published on FamilyfriendlyHQ