Let’s play ‘Never Ever Have I’ parent version :
What you will need:
More than one parent, so your partner can play too.
A fresh coffee . Wine if it’s after wine o clock – you decide what wine o clock is, we won’t/don’t judge.
Never ever have I (for every statement , if it’s true, drink that coffee/wine)
‘Never Ever Have I’ …
Used the baby’s pushchair to get through a crowded store.
Used the toddler’s pushchair to carry shopping rather than the toddler.
Lied about the child’s age to pay a cheaper entrance fee.
Used the child to get out of commitments I/you had previously made.
Told bare faced lies to the child.
Threw out the darlings artwork as soon as their backs were turned, then blamed someone else after the said artwork was found in the bin.
Put a towel under the child , because they wet the bed too late at night and I/you were too tired to change the whole bed.
Picked buggers out of the child’s nose, then corrected them for doing the very same thing hours later or even minutes later .
Stepped over the vomit, leaving it there for my/ your partner to discover the vomit ‘first’.
Used the child’s wheelchair to move good folks who stand idly on a footpath having a nice chat, forcing the child and his chair onto the road.
Fed the kids whatever happened to be in the fridge because I/ you couldn’t face grocery shopping .
Mixed up the kids schools , had long winded conversations with the wrong principal.
Used the child’s disability to explain my/your tardiness .
Had to delete a beautiful picture of the child because of the other child in the background walking around with a poop hanging out of his/her nappy.
Used the child’s disability to skip a queue . (Two gulps of coffee/wine required here- that’s a bad one)
Pretended the screaming toddler was my/your nephew rather than my /your son ( two gulps, that’s bad too)
Let Netflix mind the kids
Sent the child to school in the same socks as yesterday ; catching up on washing can be a time consuming business.
Used baby wipes to clean uniforms which didn’t quite make it into the washing machine over the weekend.
Let the child eat the dropped biscuit
Broke something ( the TV..shhh) and blamed whichever kid was nearest to me/you at the time
Forgotten an important meeting – blamed the kids
Passed wind and blamed/implied it was the child (come on, who hasn’t?!)
Ate treats before dinner and scolded the child for doing the same thing
Excitedly looked through the child’s Halloween bag, secretly picking out my/your favorite treats while sending the child to bed for the night.
To be honest, this game could go on forever, so I decided I’d stop when I ran out of coffee/wine ….
Disclaimer: I have not done or tried to do ALL of the above; it’s just a coincidence that I have ran out of coffee.
This was originally published on FamilyFriendlyHQ