My Little Brother!!!~a funny tale!

I have a brother, in fact I have three. My younger brother A, has a way about him that reminds me so much of our J. I believe if ADHD was more commonly diagnosed back when we were kids, A would have been a text book example!

A and I are close in age, he’s 31, I’ve just turned 33. As kids we were close. My father had nicknames on us all and A’s nickname was ‘mucker’~ no matter where A was, he would, as sure as the sun sets, come back full of dirt. He would reply to my short tempered father “I dunno how I got dirty. I didn’t touch anything’. My father would pick him up while giving out to him and put him in our kitchen sink for his, what would become, daily wash before bed.

When I was 18, I moved out of our family home. Far too young, but I didn’t think so. I couldn’t wait to have my own bedroom~ turns out, I would never have my own bedroom in my entire life!

After I had Ethan, A would use my (rented) house as a crash pad. He would go out in the city and crawl his way back to my house at stupid am . I often woke up and could smell him before I saw him.

By the time J was born, A had decided it was best to sleep it off somewhere else and come to mine for the food soakage.

D and I were talking last night and we recalled this story with such laughter, I thought I’d share it here.

We had been potty training Ethan, and like all kids he was having the odd accident here and there. Considering what we know now, it still amazes us and specialists that we ever trained Ethan.

It was a warm May day, when Ethan had had two accidents in a row. D had spotted some scaffolding in our very over grown garden. He put it together and put Ethans mattress on it to dry and air out. “Brilliant hunny” I shouted from the upstairs bedroom, when I saw D’s handy work.

We decided it was a day for the beach. We packed up the kids and headed off for a few hours, while it was still warm but not too hot.

Unknown to us, A had been out socialising the night before. “I’m a social butterfly” he’d respond, whenever he popped up on our doorstep, shades on and a pint of milk in his hand.

He decided he needed one of D’s fry ups and headed off from wherever he’d crashed the night before (I never asked, he’d never offer it up!) Our then house, was a corner house with a side gate. When A didn’t see our little banger parked outside, he decided he would jump over our gate, see if we’d left the back door open- which by the way, we never ever done, yet A continued this plan more than once!

The day was heating up. So with no way into our house, A saw , what he claims, was a sun bed. He climbed up on our wall, at least 7 ft, but A is about 6 ft 3”, so this was more like a hop for him rather than a climb. He got onto the sun bed and surprisingly to him,( no other human on this planet) the whole thing collapsed.

We came home around 1pm. Both boys were so tired, they were happy to stay inside and watch some television. I walked into the kitchen, the heat was unbearable, I unlocked the back door and called for D.

The two of us stood at the doorway looking at my brother, all spread out in a star like position, except his arms and legs were completely off the mattress, poles thrown everywhere! “Twat” D laughed.

We strolled over, to a sleeping A. I tipped his foot with mine. Nothing. “Shit D, what if he has heat stroke or something” , ” He does not, he’s hungover” D bent down and calmly stated” You’re sleeping on Ethans pissey mattress ya clown!”

Have you ever seen a giant jump up without apparently using his arms or legs? Well, we have and it is fucking hilarious.

“What?” A was now on his feet wiping his pants. D and I were laughing our arses off. ” You know, I thought I smelt something” A was now laughing,” Could have been myself with the night I had last night!”

Unbelievably,that was not the last time A would sleep in Ethans pee!


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