**My Irish daddy was orginally published on FamilyfriendlyHQ
We read lots about Irish mammy’s so I figured I’d share my dad’s pearls of wisdom with you all.
Dad on money:
“Do I look like Vincent? Do I?” — Dad’s go to answer when any of us asked him for money. Vincent was not in reference to my friend’s father; Vincent was in reference to St.Vincent De Paul- yes the charity.
Dad on behaviour:
“In honour of Jayous, why can’t ye just pretend to like each other? Why can’t ye be like that family off the TV, ‘the get-along gang’ or that other one ‘Seventh Heaven’; aren’t they a lovely family, aren’t they?”– He would plead with the seven of us before ‘visitors’ arrived.
Dad on resolving conflict:
“I’ll solve this problem now be Jayous” — we knew we were in trouble especially when you’d hear him take the kitchen chair out into the hallway. He’d remove the fuse for the TV from the fuse box while listening to a chorus of “It wasn’t my fault it was hers…” This meant no TV until we could all agree on a single programme to watch. Having 6 siblings this took awhile.
Dad on emergencies:
“Jayous Christ what’s the panic for..if there’s going to be a panic let it be organised” — Dad’s reaction to any of us when we were running late for anything especially a night out with friends!
Dad on Summer:
“Get out ta feck, I don’t want to see ye until the street lights come on”–Ah the Irish Summers of long ago… the street lights were your clock!
“Well, the curse of fu*k down on top of ya”– We didn’t fully understand this statement but we knew it meant run.
Dad on bedtime:
“Blanket Street. Bite the dust. I don’t even want to hear ye breath”– Dad’s favourite time of the day.
Dad on listening to your teenage angst:
“Do you see care in my eyes though, do you?”– He learned this from us, we do regret it.
Dad commenting on your mood:
“Ohhh take that snout off your face now save that for your friends and school” –Dad’s way of letting you know he was in no form for silly sulking.
Dad having an argument with one of his kids:
“Open me mouth and I’m wrong. I’ll just say nothing so. No no I’m wrong. Jayous Christ grant me patience”–Dad’s end of conversation sentence.
Dad talking about his dogs:
“Twas only meself and the dogs here, and not a bad word said between us”–Dad explaining how when we are all gone there is peace in the house..we do tell him to let us know if the dogs ever talk back.
Dad on his daughters:
“Do ye ever stop gabbing, ye are worse than gramophones”– We learned what a gramophone was and still can’t really make sense of this one.
Dad on his sons:
“Jayous man’een when I was your age I was running a pub and your mother pregnant and I still managed to keep me hair short and tidy”– Dad does not like long hair on men.
Dad on crying:
“Why can’t ya wait until tomorrow to cry, does it have to be today?”–Dad checking to see if you were actually upset or just being a teenager.
Dad on colours:
“See here’s the jumper I asked you to get, Yella…Yella jumper”–There was never a yellow jumper in his hand each time he showed us this ‘yella jumper’.
Dad on calling you down for dinner:
“Come on, come on ,come on, can’t ya hear me callin ya, come on will ya, come on, come on, come on..” and like the ‘good’ children we were, we’d run to our fathers call..only to be met with : “What’s the running for?”
Dad on Santa:
“If he shows up again with nothing for me I’ll shoot him stone dead”– We took him seriously and were on ‘Santa’ safety watch regardless of our mother telling us that Dad was not going to kill Santa.
Dad on friends:
“Hello, I don’t know if you know but the box in the toilet takes 20 pence only and there is a charge too for the amount of loo roll you use”–Every time any of us introduced our dad to a ‘new’ friend, he’d come out with this chestnut.
Dad on tea:
“I’ll have a half cup so sure while you’re heading out towards the kitchen sure”– We may have been heading up the stairs when he’d suddenly need a ‘half’ cup of tea, never a full cup.
Dad on time keeping when coming home from a drink:
“I got in at quarter past…yep, quarter past”–This is Dad’s latest answer, when you ask him how his evening went and if it were a late one.
Dad on parenting:
“I’m ringing Daddy line, I’ve had enough”–for years we believed there was a help line for Daddy’s whose seven children were running wild.
Dad on his grandsons:
“Are ye here to wreck my house?”–Each time we visit this is his opening statement followed by “Hide the breakables ah Philo”, he’s the only one who laughs.
Dad on visiting:
“Come with your elbows knocking”–implying if you visit his house your hands better be full with gifts.
Dad on childish fights with your friends:
“Give ‘em an ‘ol smack when they least expect it ..don’t tell mammy”– dads advice when one of us were being bullied.
Dad on his daughters love life:
“Would you consider taking another, I’ve three more to get rid of? It’s out I want them ya know”–Dad’s first line to any and all boyfriends he has ever met; he has not met many for this very reason.
Dad on the Internet:
“WWWW. Wille com..Google me there, go on” –asking us why he isn’t on the interweb.
Dad on driving :
“For F**ck sake ya F***KER stay on your own side ya f**k fu**er ya, I’ll use me horn! That’ll show ya ya bo**ocks ya! ”–patience has never been his strong point, especially if a tractor is on the road and his language is it’s most colourful when behind the wheel of his car.
Dad on listening:
“Christ I wish I could turn ye all off with the flip of a switch, like me hearing aid,when your mother starts gabbing”– whenever we all get together, we tend to talk over each other.
Dad on music:
“It’s the school around the corner just the same…school tomorrow school tomorrow, you’ve all get school tomorrow ..yippee ” he would belt this out every Sunday night from 8pm, stop between 8.30-9pm due to ‘Glenroe’ and continue at 9pm until we went upstairs without any arguments … Anything to get away from his ‘cocky’ singing.
Dad on housework:
“You can do it, but your back into it” — Dad encouraging us to do our chores with less complaints..if we complained the music got turned up and we were further encouraged to “work to the music lads can’t ye”
Dad on life:
“If a man is happy in his job, does it to the best of his abilities and brings home an honest wage, who cares if he is a road sweeper?”–Something my dad said a long time ago when I was sitting my leaving cert exams; it helped me put exams into perspective.
And finally for now, I’ll leave you with what my dad has been getting away with for 60 plus years; “I have two birthdays…So I’ll take my first present today and my second present tomorrow, thanks lads” The truth is his mammy and midwife couldn’t agree on whether or not he was born on the 5th or 6th of February due to both of them checking the clock minutes apart; one saw a minute to 12(am) while the other saw a minute after 12.
So that is what my Irish daddy is like, what about yours?