It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Is it, though, is it really?

I decided this year I am going to be open and honest about what I , yes I want for Christmas!

I want PEACE throughout the house for at least the first day of Christmas(hoping for more than one day is just setting that bar far too high.)
I don’t want to hear -it’s mine ! Tell him mammy , tell him…gimme it… it’s mine. Santa got it for meeeeeee, not you ugh ….
Oh sweet child of mine; mammy is enjoying her wine, your whining is really annoying ..STFU please, Santa is watching still.

I want ACCEPTANCE of things we cannot change. I don’t want to hear –Jayous Ger, how did we forget the batteries . You bought some didn’t you a few weeks back —oh sweet husband, that’s why the remote controllers are working! Also please note that the clocks are now correct more than two times a day in both the sitting room and the kitchen..oh and those flashing lights on the mantel piece – you’re welcome.

I want more –ACCEPTANCE from everyone in the household.
I don’t need to hear – Mammy did Santa forget batteries, my toy won’t light up and make all the noises. Oh sweet child of mine, Santa had a lot to do over these past few weeks, let me give you the clock batteries , problem solved,eh? We will get you more battlers for that noisy , flashy thingy that someone else brought you, on the 5th of never.

I want JOY throughout the house for at least three to four hours over the 12 days of this Christmas break.
I don’t want to hear on St.Stephens Day, I don’t like this anymore, it’s boring …can I watch TV, play computer , go on the iPad –oh sweet child of mine,I had to rob Peter to pay Paul for that; meaning I will have a hefty ESB bill in January; you owe me. Now go be joyous with your ‘must have’ toy, god damn it, I want joy!

I want UNDERSTANDING that dinner and all those wonderful things that we over indulge in take time to prepare.
I don’t want to hear –but I am starving ..how long more will Daddy take. Oh sweet child of mine, mammy is relaxing eating some ‘Roses’ when you’re not looking; she’s even playing cars with you and your brothers ; get up off the floor and go pester the cook, cos by now you should know, that ain’t mammy!

I want some PATIENCE when it comes to the passing of the tin of sweets. There is no need to grab at the tin like it’s oxygen.
I don’t want to hear — but I need a sweet! What about me?! He’s had that tin for ages ! Come on it’s Christmas ! Oh sweet child of mine; chill your beans ..have a bar from your selection box while you wait …with great amounts of sugar comes a great sugar crash, hopefully before the Christmas Soaps start.

I want lower EXPECTATIONS of what to expect during this festive season .
I don’t want to hear -but that mammy on TV made a gingerbread house while we both take stock of this mammys version. Oh sweet child of mine ; this mammy remembered the swiss roll, the mini ones and even the marshmallows all I ask in return is a sprinkle of imagination and no mention of my friend A and her ability to bake. Basically sweet child of mine, lower your expectations of what your mammy can do…that way when mammy remembers to *buy the gingerbread -stick- together house next year, you will get a wonderful surprise.

I want even lower EXPECTATIONS of once again , what to expect during this festive season.
I don’t want to hear — but but it is snowing everywhere else ..why not here ?
Lookit kid, we live in Ireland, when it snows I promise you it’ll be March or even April, sometimes even November, it won’t be the 25th of December , I am sorry but it’s a fact and that fact won’t change between now and next year. Also, it ain’t really snow it’s more like a different type of rain which makes everything pretty for two hours then it disappears , leaving me with you lot because the school decided code orange. Love you.

I want to ENJOY this Christmas.
Please , please kids I don’t want to hear -so I know what I want for Christmas next year before you’ve had Christmas dinner .Nor do I want to hear any other version of this sentence. I can’t wait for next Christmas , it’s only 364 days away now. I wonder can I write my list yet, what do you think mammy?
Oh sweet child of mine, mammy cannot possibly answer that question properly and honestly but if she could ….Mammy would say “Enjoy this Christmas , for the love of Mary, Joseph and all the saints above why the f**k can’t ye just enjoy this ?” Instead Mammy will smile, drink a tad more of her hot whiskey and say “Oh lovely”.

I want to see GOODWILL TO ALL MAN this starts with those in your home like your brothers, for example.

I don’t want to hear — he farted on my new toy. He tried to play with my toy. He put boogers on my new jumper…etc Oh sweet child of mine ; I don’t give two fiddlers who did what, I just want you to be quietly playing away, sharing and caring just like the movies we see on TV and now more recently on Facebook please give me an opportunity to snap a picture that represents all normal families , that’s all I ask.

I want you to REJOICE in the fact that we are all here and together.
I don’t want to hear — do I have to sit beside him , he smells of poop while we load up the car to visit the extended family. Nor do I want to hear — do I have to go? Can’t I just stay here and mind the house ?
Oh sweet child of mine; we will all go to the family who are waiting patiently for our arrival and when we get there you will smile and thank them for the thoughtful gifts and then you will have to help change your brothers bum if you mention the word poop once during dinner time.

Ah seriously , I don’t want a lot for Christmas , I am a bit like Mariah that way, all I want for Christmas is her money to be totally honest but failing that; oh sweet boys of mine

I want you to feel LOVED, know LOVE and show LOVE to each other and our families.
Oh sweet child of mine; Christmas is far more than gifts. It is love. It is a time to look back and be thankful for all that you have. And my boys, my sweet little boys, while you drive me around the bend, I wouldn’t want it any other way (well, I’d really like ye to chill every once in awhile x) , you little boys have given me the best Christmases I have ever had, the Christmases I hope I gave my parents when I was a child.

All I want for Christmas is everything I already have.

Happy Christmas from our messy , loud, anything but ‘normal’ home to yours , may 2017 be everything your heart desires and more.

This was originally published on FamilyfriendlyHQ