Well, it has been awhile . I haven’t been writing as much as I normally would on here due to what I can only describe as life’s little way of refocusing your attention onto something else.

2020 – what a year for us all.

Back in the Summer of 2019, we realised that while we had to look into Ethan moving into adult services we also had to focus a bit more time on family.

My brother was sick and while we had hoped he would get better, time and the months that followed on from my last post, proved to us that he was not going to improve ,this time around.

My older brother fought a long and hard battle with Cancer. Cancer is a sneaky thing, it gives you hope then it can take that hope away with a simple scan or blood test.

By late 2019, my brother wasn’t doing too well and made the decision in early 2020 to take a bit of respite in the local hospice. I believed it to be respite, after all Ethan spent time in a hospice for the same reasons.

• 

My brother spent the last two months of his life in the hospice .

We as his family are forever grateful to the hospice for their unconditional love and support for not only my brother but for us, his family too.

The pandemic hit before my brother passed , one of the last things my brother spoke about was my book and Ethan. He asked me to finish the manuscript and send it off and gently reminded me that Ethan wouldn’t be with us forever. He worried I had nothing in place for me when that time came. I as always , told him I would be ok and that Ethan wasn’t going anywhere for another few years. I promised to finish the manuscript.

March 22nd my brother passed away peacefully surround by his family.

• 

It was July by the time I looked a t the manuscript again. I sent it over to a local publishing house called Tribes Press, here in Galway.

With their support, knowledge we worked on the book and aimed to have it published for December 2020.

I was nervous and worried often about how this book would be received.

Those of you who follow me regularly over on Facebook will know that on Wednesday September 23rd 2020 at exactly 6.15pm , our darling Ethan took his last breath while I cradled him in my arms.

Nothing mattered to me for months after.

I didn’t know what to do without my Ethan , I still don’t, if I am to be honest with you all.

By December something within me made me look at the book, I did a few edits and sent it off to Tribes Press, who were and are so supportive throughout my version of 2020.

It is January now and my book is ready . It is printed and on it’s way to Tribes Press.

It can be pre-order here for those of you interested in reading it . It goes on general sale through Tribes Press and my own site on Friday 22nd January.

I don’t know what the future holds for me especially. Ethan was my life , he was my purpose and now I have to find out who I am and what my purpose is without my little man.

Writing has alway helped me. I imagine, when I am able to, that writing about Ethan will bring some healing to my broken heart.

For now, I promise to update about the book and the road it takes us on and share with you all the ups, the downs and everything in between.

2021 , is the first year I don’t have my big brother to tell me (quite frankly) what I should be doing and how to do it – he was always my sounding board along with my husband D.

2021, is the first year I don’t have my first born, the one who made me a mammy, my beautiful Ethan.

2021, is a hard year for me and my family.

But, if there’s anything I could take away from 2020 and bring into 2021 with me it is this – hope. There’s always hope for a better tomorrow, for a peaceful morning, for a chat with a friend (via zoom due to COVID !) , for a walk in the park, for a hot cup of tea …after all, it is the little things in life that matter the most.