My toddler turns four soon. Lately he has become a bit of an untrustworthy little sh…spy.
He is teaching me every day, that while two came before him, they were really just preparing me for him.
He is not to be trusted with markers – even after one has given him the ‘rules’.One must sit and wait for toddler to be finished his artwork before leaving the room. One must also control one’s bladder better. A two second pee could cost one a redesigned cushion.
He will use his ‘sad’ face, in the hopes that one won’t give out after he has redesigned the table, curtains, floor with said markers. One must stop using the sad face when trying to coax said toddler into doing anything from now on.
He has mastered the ‘sky’ remote. This is not a clever thing. He now knows how to record ‘his’ shows and delete mine.One must keep it in one’s pocket from now on.
He has taken to closing the bathroom door while doing his ‘business’. One has already learned to remove the key but what one still has to learn is; to double check said bathroom carefully after toddler has declared that he is ‘all doned’. One must also pay more attention to the area around the sink, toilet, bin….
He now needs a lunch to go with him to preschool/ montessori . One must remember to check lunchbox in the morning despite filling it the night before . One must also remember to check for markers in the little backpack that waits by the front door.
He wants to be a ninja. One must take this a little bit more seriously. One has found treats in aforementioned lunchbox while having said toddler sit with one all morning, as far as one can recall…
He has decided that he is a man. He wants to be a man, so he shall pee like a man. One must respect newfound manhood to a certain degree…one must check tee-shirt, pants, shoes , hands and socks after this display of pending manhood.
He can now dress himself. One should really pay more attention in the morning especially and at least check that toddler has his own clothes on…not his teddies clothes, for example.
He likes to investigate while one is trying to get oneself dressed, especially when one is in a rush. One must pay way more attention to why toddler is ever so quiet and not presume toddler is being ‘good’.
He likes nothing more than seeing what’s in mammys bathroom. One really should have stopped this at least a year ago. One should put every single item out of reach. One should not react with laughter when toddler comes out with two newly liberated sanitary towels stuck to his arms informing one that he is now ‘Batman’ with white wing arms.(Toddler will reenact this very scene a number of times to hear the laughter- one must be extremely careful as to what one laughs at in front of toddler)
He loves to be a clown. While one knows it is good to encourage toddlers hopes and dreams ; one must draw the line at mask wearing and hiding behind doors to frightening one. One must explain again and again that toddler is scaring one and that is not what clowns do. One does feel a bit of a hypocrite as one does enjoy frightening the life out of one’s husband, from time to time.
He is Spider-Man at least three times a day. This means one must be the Joker. One does not have a choice about game nor character. It is futile to try to become Robin as apparently one makes a better Joker since one cut one’s hair. One is trying really hard not to use one’s sad face …(one must remember how valid point two is, no matter how badly one would like to be Robin)
Yes, that is my life currently with my almost four year old; one is now off to one’s bed (hoping not to find the toddler hiding in there) and getting ready for another day of his toddlerhood.)
This was originally published on FamilyFriendlyHQ